What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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