the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
