So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize