just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
