Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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