Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
