I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize