This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
