I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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