yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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