So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
