I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize