I'm really into asian looking animals
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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