please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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