im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
