I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
