Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
