is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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