Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
