Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
