We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
