whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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