how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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