I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
