In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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