My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My feet surprised me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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