I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
