btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize