I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
