ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
