Don't you send me to vm
My liver just broke up with me...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You made out with two different species that night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
