i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
