I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
