In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
