I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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