I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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