Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
