if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
