for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
