new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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