the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
do nipples grow back?
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