She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
