I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
