nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
