You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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