Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
