i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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