My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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