Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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