I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
