the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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