Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
