Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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