Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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