Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
