Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
