yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
