I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just high enough for therapy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
