jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All the doctor said was why
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
