i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
