is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
