these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
