Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
