clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
