so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
