i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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