a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
