Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
