So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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