TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
