I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize