i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want her autograph on my taint
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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